Your Friendship Can’t Survive on Memes and Reels
Seems like for the last 15–20 years the consistent conversation that inevitably becomes a hot topic for people in their mid-20s to mid-30s has been: “How the heck do we make friends?!”
I’ve already touched on that topic in a previous journal post you can read here, but today? We’re going deeper.
What about the friendships we already have?
How do we maintain those friendships—the ones we made in high school, college, or our first post-grad job—when adulthood starts throwing everything at us?
Things change:
We move to new cities
We become parents
Our interests, passions, and identities shift
And before you know it, the friend you were once inseparable from—the one who shared your inside jokes, your wildest memories, your secrets—is now living a completely different life.
I’m picturing it like a Mario game (okay, full disclosure: I’m not a huge gamer, so bear with me). You know when Mario’s jumping from pipe to pipe, higher and higher, chasing some star or whatever the fuck he needs? One of you is on the third pipe up, the other’s down on pipe number one, looking up at you. You want to pull them up with you because you love your friendship and want to go on this wild adventure together, but they’re out of energy and don’t have the right coins, sparkles, or power-ups to reach you. And you? You can’t go back. You’re climbing. You’re on a mission.
In real life? That gap starts small but grows, quietly, over time.
At first, it’s just subtle. You still text.
You still share memes.
You still gossip about that old coworker you both can’t stand.
You still hop on FaceTime for outfit advice when date night rolls around.
But eventually, those moments become less and less… until…
Your relationship exists mostly in Instagram memes now. In likes. In sending each other reels that you think will make them giggle.
Phone calls? Maybe once a season.
Texting? It’s all surface-level. Checking in, but nothing deep. Simple life updates.
Nobody has time for real conversations.
One of you is living the newborn parent life.
The other is trying to survive grad school and a soul-sucking job to pay for it.
And FaceTimes? Pretty much off the table.
For a while, we’ve been told this kind of friendship is fine.
There are memes about it, right?
“You know you're real best friends when all you need are conversations in memes.”
“This is what a real long distance friendship looks like.” While watching a scrolling screen recording of DMs filled with back and forth reels, no words.
You’ve seen these. You’ve probably even sent a few.
I definitely did.
And at first, I convinced myself it was fine.
That it was totally okay that this friendship was changing (even if I didn’t want to admit it was maybe dying).
I told myself that sending memes was enough to keep the connection strong. That it meant our friendship was “evolving” and not fading.
That this was just a phase.
That this was enough to sustain a real, true friendship.
Well, newsflash:
It’s not.
To lean into this type of relationship is to settle for something superficial. It’s like giving up on finding real, deep connections because you’ve convinced yourself the memes are doing the job. Social media is doing the job.
But let’s be real for a second.
What’s really happening is that you’re holding onto a relationship that has already served its time. You’re forcing it to stay alive because you don’t want to let go of the memories. You don’t want to admit that the friendship has run its course. But I promise you:
Those memories counted.
They shaped you.
But you can’t keep trying to force this friendship to fit into your life anymore.
And here’s where it gets interesting: The more you hold onto this relationship, trying to keep it alive by sending those check-in texts, planning calls that never happen, and telling yourself it’s fine because adult friendships survive on memes—the more you’re blocking new relationships from coming in. You’re blocking the friendships, the opportunities, the manifestations that are more in alignment with who you are now.
And those friendships? They turned out to be a girl with really dope hair who makes me cackle at Non-PC jokes but also sends me minute-long voice messages about my worth, gives me advice, and gives me free tarot readings.
A girl who calls me out of the blue, no warning, to ask me about my feelings around something I mentioned to her WEEKS ago. While also popping in with impromptu facetimes to ask for my advice and give me some when I need (if her ADHD doesn’t interrupt us). OH and she also gives me thumbs up or thumbs down on products I buy to tell me if they’re toxic or nah.
A friend who, without any prompting, decides to send you a care package filled with things that bring you joy and that remind you of the loved one who just passed.
A friend who INSISTS on sending you 3 minute long voice messages telling you all of the reasons why you’re dope as hell while also collaborating with you on how to best navigate a creative mental block (with a side of inappropriate innuendos that seem to never end but still leave you giggling).
You’re taking up all this space with a relationship that’s past its prime, leaving no room for the people and experiences that could light you up. You’re missing out on ALL OF THOSE TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS I JUST MENTIONED.
Because, listen:
Real, deep friendships don’t survive on memes. They can’t.
They need:
Real conversations—not just “checking in,” but actually getting deep
Effort—visits, even if they’re just plans for visits, spontaneous calls
Consistency—someone who remembers that tough thing you were going through a few days ago and checks in with real care
Care—the kind that says, “I’m thinking about you, and I’m here for you, can I (insert task or errand or chore) to assist you during this time?”
We need to stop glorifying friendships that live on digital life support.
They’re not thriving.
They’re barely surviving.
If this is hitting home, I get it. That’s why I’m writing this post lmao. You’re not alone.
So, here’s my challenge to you:
Ask yourself:
Is this relationship really thriving?
Is there an effort imbalance here?
Am I ignoring the truth about this relationship because it’s easier than facing it?
Is this friendship enhancing my life or just reminding me of who I used to be?
And if you realize that it’s time to move on… that’s okay.
Letting go doesn’t erase how much that friendship shaped you.
But holding on to something that’s already run its course will only block the growth you’re ready for.
Trust me: the longer you hang on to relationships that are barely alive, the less room you have for the friendships that are waiting to fill you up. Letting go makes space for the ones that are meant to grow with you. They’ll be the ones that don’t take convincing. They’ll be the ones that feed you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
So, if it’s time to let go? Do it. And don’t feel bad about it. You deserve friendships that make you feel seen, heard, and loved—not ones that leave you questioning if you’re still this person’s best friend because you’re relationship strictly exists on Instagram.
