I think I’m done with mysteries for a bit.

Still, I already had my third month on the way. Even though I was discouraged, I figured there was no harm in trying one more month. I also decided to stay away from the scale for a few weeks because I could feel myself starting to get a little obsessive about it.

Today I am happy. I adore my son. I have done deep healing around my pregnancy and birth experience. I do not feel rushed. I know I want a redemptive birth one day.

But I am still in this in-between space.

I’ve been on a mystery/thriller kick since the beginning of December, partly because I run through them (+ wanted to hit my reading goal by the end of 2025 WHICH I DID) but also because I wanted to find a well done mystery/thriller. I find they’re too often contrived or filled with plotholes.

But this isn’t about weight loss. This is about supporting my body.

I love Balance + Burn + I’m continuing to use it. Here’s what I’ve noticed since my last update.

And you guys…

I’m loving this. I REALLY am.

I’m going to break down exactly what I’m experiencing two weeks in, including very real, very unfiltered life moments, so you can decide for yourself if this is something you want to explore.

So when I found out this mystery product was a GLP-1 alternative, I was skeptical. I had the option to skip it entirely. Even though I had earned early access, I had to ask myself a hard question: would trying this send my eating disorder thoughts into overdrive?

But here’s the difference: right now, I’m in the middle of the story, not the end. And if I let my scared inner teenager run the show, I will absolutely block myself from hitting this goal.

I was driving to get groceries and realized I hadn’t taken my Klonopin in two days, and I felt completely fine. No anxiety, no shaky hands, no brain fog, no creeping dread. Normally, even a 48-hour gap would have me starting to feel those icky withdrawal symptoms. But I felt balanced and calm.

The Halloween debate within the Christian community is by no means new, but I only started to take note of it last year. Goodness, people get SO worked up! But no shade, because I know they’re defending their faith and beliefs that they believe wholeheartedly. I LOVE it!

Let’s talk about how our bodies hold on to experiences and emotions we never fully process. How they speak to us in ways we can’t always name.

I’m not disconnected from the truth that motherhood is sacred and meaningful. I just need mental stimulation and creativity through work in addition to my duties as a mother.

Let’s just get this out of the way: I sleep 10–12 hours a night. I know. Spoiled.

Or… am I?

I don’t have goals.

Is that bad? It doesn’t feel bad. And honestly, what even is “bad” or “good”? Right or wrong? Probably a conversation for another day.

It wasn't until the last year or so that I realized how much shame people carry around about their prescriptions, especially their mental health meds. I started noticing it in whispers like, “I had to take a Klonopin,” or in DMs from people thanking me for being so open about my scrips (thrift store Klonopin and Zoloft, anyone?).

I’m proud to say I’ve moved past the jealousy of superficial stuff. Sure, I still get a twinge of insecurity when I see a BEAUTIFUL woman, but I’ve learned not to let it linger. I’ve made peace with my body.

But the kind of jealousy I want to talk about is deeper. It’s energetic.

I’ve been teetering on and off ever since.

But this time? What’s the difference between that postpartum comment and today as I write this?

I’m surrounded on both sides!

Okay, so… can we talk about alcohol for a minute?

Does anyone else feel as much weird shame around it as I do?

Below is what I wrote and spoke at my grandfather’s burial last month. I wrote this into the journal I purchased for Hawthorne while I was still pregnant. In it I write to him my thoughts, his milestones, our funny memories, etc. for him to read and enjoy when he’s older.