The Fear of Failing Publicly + Why I’m Not Hiding This Time

If you follow me on Instagram, watch my stories, or engage with literally anything I post, you know something big is happening in my life right now: I’m trying to reach a new rank of GOLD!!! in my Young Living business.

And look, I’m not going into the whole “MLM girl” thing because that convo is so old, and honestly… YOU GUYS KNOW ME. You know my heart, you know my integrity, you know how much I care about what I share. So we’re skipping that.

At the beginning of this month, I decided to be bold. I told everyone that follows me that hitting this rank was my goal. I told my friends in the business. I told mentors. I told EVERYONE.

Why? Because I wanted accountability. I wanted people to watch the journey with me. I wanted to invite you in, to let you follow along as I post updates. And honestly? When you vulnerably share a big goal, people often rally around you in ways you never expect. You’d be shocked how many people cheer you on when you simply open your heart and ASK.

And why this month? Because November is my biggest month of the year. The Black Friday sale energy is unreal. Sales skyrocket, my favorite products go on sale, and people who’ve been curious finally feel ready. It’s electric.

But here’s what’s crept in lately: doubt. Of course.

Why did I set this goal?
Why did I tell literally everyone?
Why did I think I was CAPABLE when my sales have been low all year?
What if I don’t hit it and EVERYONE SEES?!

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

That’s what the anxiety voice says, anyway.

The doubt, the fear, the discomfort, the hopelessness, the insecurity… they’ve all been swirling, trying to take over. I’ve been pushing through, but they’ve been loud.

And then I had a breakthrough.

I’ve been using the To Be Magnetic Manifestation work for years now (I wrote all about it HERE and their membership is 30% off right now) Yes, it markets itself as manifestation, and yes, I HAVE manifested amazing things through it, but the true core is inner child work, shadow work, trauma healing, emotional integration… the deep stuff.

I was on an evening walk listening to a hypnosis when a memory I had locked away surfaced. Not just any memory, but one that mirrors EXACTLY what I’m experiencing now: the day I got rejected from my dream school in 2013.

A little backstory:

I wanted to go to the University of Florida my ENTIRE life. It was my identity. I grew up in Gator cheer outfits, going to football games on my dad’s shoulders, obsessing over grades, sports, clubs, volunteer hours… EVERYTHING was dedicated to getting into UF.

People from elementary, middle, high school all knew. Just like how right now EVERYONE knows I want to reach Gold.

See the parallel?

In February 2013, all eyes were on me. Will she get in? It’s been her whole identity! Will it finally happen? Will the years of effort pay off?

And then the rejection came. The dream shattered. And I had to share it publicly. I had to tell the whole world that I didn’t hit the goal I had talked about for years.

Just like I MIGHT have to do again now.

(And yes, I ended up going to UF anyway, graduating Cum Laude with a 3.9 GPA, so honestly they should have accepted me from the start but I DIGRESS.)

That memory, the embarrassment, the public-facing failure, the heartbreak? I buried it. But it resurfaced now because the same emotional pattern is repeating.

No wonder the doubt has been loud. My inner 18-year-old is panicking. She’s gripping onto me screaming: DON’T HOPE. DON’T TELL PEOPLE. KEEP EXPECTATIONS LOW. PROTECT YOURSELF.

She doesn’t want me to feel that pain again.

But here’s the difference: right now, I’m in the middle of the story, not the end. And if I let my scared inner teenager run the show, I will absolutely block myself from hitting this goal.

What I need to do is nurture her. Let her know we’re safe no matter what. That we’ve grown. That we’ve done incredible things since 2013. That it’s okay to hope. That fear of failure cannot be the driver of my life.

So for the rest of November, as I work toward Gold, I’m also working through this block. I’m reconnecting with 18-year-old Suzy, identifying the ways I’ve been shrinking myself, and reminding myself that the ending of 2013 does NOT predict the ending of 2025.

And to my community, if you’ve ever felt afraid to go after something big, or feared failing publicly, I hope this helps you feel seen. I’m right here in that same place, choosing courage daily.

We’re doing this together.
I’m choosing hope this time.

And you can too.